you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
