you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
porn star boner night. come get it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
