If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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