so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
