I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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