it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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