It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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