i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
