its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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