he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
