After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
