I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hell yes lets make some ravioli
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
