You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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