this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
