Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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