dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
