Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
