I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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