I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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