Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
