it hurts more in the daytime
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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