Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
