He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
