Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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