Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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