I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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