I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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