just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
