Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
