Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
