his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
