is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
