life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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