You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
