I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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