i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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