I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
