T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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