That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
