i was born a porn star she said
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
