the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
