Your face is a jimmy john
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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