My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
