YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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