if you like me you must not know who I am
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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