How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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