I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
