We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want to make out with him forever
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