I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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