Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
