This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
