My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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