it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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