i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
