Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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