Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
where are my eyebrows?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
