I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
