My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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